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diff --git a/md/08_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People.md b/md/08_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5831e71 --- /dev/null +++ b/md/08_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People.md @@ -0,0 +1,82 @@ +--- +title: Win Friends and Influence People +--- + +_Mom had a special knack for teaching without using undue drama. The +following story illustrates her typical style._ + +Tom and I had been driving tractors and motorcycles for quite a while +when we decided it was high time we had a real "classy ride". Neither of +us had a driver's license yet, but that was no obstacle to our plan. My +16th birthday was coming up and I would be able to drive our car by +myself soon enough. So we hatched a plan to go together and buy a car. +We started looking at the ads in the newspaper and before long we found +our dream car. It was a 1962 Ford Falcon, almost exactly like the +picture below. + +{width="5.935124671916011in" +height="3.71875in" alt=""} + +We told dad this was precisely what we wanted and asked him to take us +to see the car. The three of us went to the house of the seller, who +turned out to be an old gentleman with a heavy Swedish accent. He showed +us the car and let us get inside and look under the hood and kick the +tires. It was in very good shape, so Tom and I could hardly contain our +excitement over buying this "classy ride". The asking price was $350. +We had the money between us and were ready to put our money on the table +and call it a deal. + +However, dad had other ideas. He asked the kindly old Swedish man if we +could come inside and discuss the deal. Now I started to get nervous. In +my mind, there was nothing to discuss. Just give the nice man his money +and let's be on our way. But my dad felt there is always some benefit in +trying to sweeten the deal when you are buying a used car. The old man +invited us in and I nervously hoped that dad wouldn't destroy our dreams +by trying to save a few dollars. + +When we were seated in the living room, dad said, "Would you be willing +to take \$325 for the car?" The old man said, "I vill tink about it. +Joost a moment." He got up and left the room to discuss our offer with +his wife. I was holding my breath and crossing my fingers when the old +man returned and said, "Dat vill be alright, ya." I sighed a big sigh of +relief as we left with the understanding that dad would return with the +cash the next day. + +I could only drive the car with a parent present for a few months, but +Tom and I were ecstatic that we were the owners of a car. I wanted to +make it look as good as possible, so I decided to wash and wax the car +to make it look nearly new. I thought it would be a good idea to solicit +some help in this ambitious plan, so I convinced Tom, Kristie and Leslie +to help. Now I didn't know much about this art, but I had a vision of +what the car should look like when we were finished. Washing the car +wasn't terribly complex and we managed to do this quickly. However, +waxing was a different story. I gave each helper a cloth and assigned +each person a part of the car to rub the wax on. I didn't know enough to +give each worker any instructions on how to get complete coverage of wax +on the surface of the car. Consequently, the shine looked patchy and +poor. It definitely didn't match my vision of a gleaming new car and I +verbally told my helpers how poorly they were doing. + +Ultimately, my volunteers got tired of my less-than-inspiring feedback +on the job they were doing and said something on the order of, "OK, Mr. +Know-it-all! You can just do it yourself!" and walked off the job. I +suppose they went back in the house and told Mom how abusive I was as a +car-waxing supervisor. Shortly afterward, she came out to find me rather +glumly sitting on the washing bucket, a bit mad about how different the +reality was from the result I had envisioned. She didn't give me a hard +time about my poor treatment of my brother and sisters. She just said, +"Have you ever heard of a book called How to Win Friends and Influence +People?" It was one of my dad's favorite books by Andrew Carnegie and I +knew he had a copy of it in the house somewhere. From this question, I +understood that Mom was implying I could benefit from working on my +people skills a bit. She always had a special knack to help me see my +faults without resorting to scolding or raising her voice. + +This was the pattern in our home. I can't remember my mother ever +raising her voice at me or at any of the children. We learned from this +approach to handling conflicts that anger and yelling simply were not +appropriate. How grateful I am for this invaluable example. I always did +my best to follow this example when communicating with my own family +when I became a parent myself. The result of my mother's simple example +will bless many generations with the knowledge that the soft-spoken +approach gets better results than yelling and screaming every time. |